We all go through hard times and it’s in that place that we grow. Sometimes it’s the darkest times that teach us, they make us aware of experiences that have been given to us. They give us perspective.
When I was 17 I really wanted this car my friend was selling. I asked my father if he could…
We all go through hard times and it’s in that place that we grow. Sometimes it’s the darkest times that teach us, they make us aware of experiences that have been given to us. They give us perspective.
When I was 17 I really wanted this car my friend was selling. I asked my father if he could help me get the car. He said “do you need a ride to pick it up”. I said “no Dad, I mean financially”. He looked at me and said, “oh, well, if you really want that car, you’re going to have to get a job”. “Cars cost money, even to get them on the road”. At the time I remember I was really bummed out he wouldn’t just get his check book, write a check, and buy the car for me, doesn’t that sound like a 17 year old. He never gave me a dime, but he did help me. With my strong desire for that car he in his ways forced me to get a job. He then co-signed a loan for me. I’ll never forget my first loan, it was a 3 year personal loan. I borrowed 3800 dollars with an 18% interest rate which cost 138 dollars a month. I got the car and I made every payment with money I worked for. I paid the car off over the 3 years.
Not long after I got the car my father got sick and eventually passed away. It wasn’t until after he was gone I realized what he had taught me. He taught me if I wanted something I had to work for it, and that hard work can get you where you want to go. After my father was gone I couldn’t believe how much I missed his way of pushing me to earn what I get. It was that dark time in my life, losing my father, that engrained that lesson deep inside of me, and made me see the real gift he had given to me that I will never forget.
There are no guarantees in life’s path, but I know many kids growing up whose parents did write that check, some over and over again, and the child fell on their hypothetical face in life. Their parents never gave them that important lesson. That opportunity was missed to build the character of earning what you get in their child.
We all have been through 4 very dark years ruled by a man that lived his whole life being paid with money taken from others hard work. In his whole life it would be hard to find a thing that he built that benefitted anyone more than it benefited himself. He lied to us over and over again to push his tyrannical power grabbing agenda and at his peak of power he called himself dark Joe. These dark times Joe gave us made us realize what we were losing. Those dark days toughened us. It brought into the light how fragile our freedom is. It gave us a new strength, a new administration, and a new President that spent his whole life building things. It gave us a President that is trying his hardest to give us back our bill of rights and bring into light the decades and decades of corruption. Those dark times we all suffered through, especially DJT, just might be what saves this country.
It’s like a seed. A seed that is always left out in the light will never reach its potential. It’s in that dark place, under the earth, that the seed grows into the beautiful producing plant it was meant to be. Happy Sunday! J.Goodrich
I’ve change a lot in the last 4 years. I’ve learned to love an acerbic sometimes very inappropriate speaker (President Trump) for his truth and courage while despising a kindly old man pretending to love children while sinking Americans into poverty and tyranny that enriched his family and destroyed ours. (ExPresident Biden) let us never be deceived by superficial looks again!
Barbara, glad you’ve come around to appreciating POTUS Trump - can’t say I ever had that issue; even in 2015 when, at best, I thought DJT would only be able to give the rest of the crowd a swift kick in the their collective rumps. I don’t watch much TV/video for "educational" purposes: initially it was because the video info dump was too slow (even today with a repeatedly fracture brain, video usefulness can only go so far), then I discovered that video could be deceptive and that it was more informative to just listen to politicians. I recall the great experiment of the Nixon-Kennedy debate: those who watched thought JFK won while those who listened sided with Nixon. I think it served me well with 💩 💩 🧠 as just listening one could feel the dementia that was riddling our nation - didn’t need to see the vacuous eyes. What he emphasized, his tone…
Where my mind went to immediately with your comment was listening to POTUS Trump interacting with the school girls a couple weeks ago - his tone, humor, inflection, that’s the grandfather, the caring man the country needs/needed. As for being inappropriate, perhaps the thing we’ve been needing as a country - discard the facade of {????} that politicians seem to cloth themselves in; that even being a billionaire with creature comforts most of can only imagine, POTUS Trump still comes across as the guy you’d enjoy sharing a pot of tea with. I can see POTUS Trump up in the steel, on bare concrete floors, inspecting a high rise rising high joshing with the men. America doesn’t need Leaders who are above it, we need our brothers ( AND sisters) leading.
That photo of Trump surrounded by all the happy little girls is iconic. They clearly liked him and were having fun, and you could see he liked them as well. Compare to Biden being around one isolated young girl here and there and sniffing her hair, and the girl having a shocked look on her face. The contrast couldn't be more stark.
One interesting comparison between Biden and Trump is to look at their children: Trump's adult children are loving, successful, well adjusted, happy and supportive of their father. None of them is a drug addict or alcoholic.
Biden's relationship with his two living children is very complicated. Both have battled substance abuse and seem to have been at odds with their father for long periods of time. The family appears quite dysfunctional.
I have made the same comparison myself, many times.
AND, look at the grands: Miss Kai, posed and capable before a huge audience and national venue.
By all indications the Trumps are doing something right. [of course, I suppose, there could’a been some sort’a bargain struck with the father of lies… 🤣]
With my kids I did it a little different. I would help with anything educational but luxuries and fun stuff they had to earn for themselves. They turned out to be good citizens.
Hunter Biden comes to mind. The fruit of faulty parenting and kept from the lessons that consequences would have been a good teacher had it started early. The presidential pardon was the cherry on top.
Cynically laugh when you read this, please: Understand you would call Hunter the fruit of ‘faulty’ parenting, but in reality he is exactly the fruit expected as consequences were never experienced by the parents, therefore he is exactly the mirror of the teachers. Expect the parents would not look on their parenting as ‘faulty’. The parents never experienced consequences, so lessons were self fulfilling. Probably am jumbling this up, but he probably makes his parents proud. And the only reason he got the pardon was because his parents thought no one understood what a really great example he was, and the rest of us would try to punish him because we were jealous. Ha. Am getting giddy.
James, Kahlil Gibran stated: "Work is love made visible!" When you work to earn something..it is far more valuable to you. ..its a good feeling to know you did it yourself, after you paid it off. What did all rational Americans want, after the last four years? To get the psychopaths out of the White House who were plotting on destroying America! All connected should be institutionalized and relieved of all assets they stole from the American people.
Your story is wonderful! I truly am amazed how good I feel now-especially the fact Biden is no longer in office, & the lies, corruption & lack of any “common sense”, were so threatening to our country, & of course, the American People. I am happy to see President Trump take control of our country, & his immediate executive actions definitely have actions: good for us, the citizens who voted for him; bad for the corrupt deep state, & my thought for the left side- “too bad, how sad”…NOT! In a song by Aaron Lewis, “Sometimes when you give what you give, You get what you get”! Those Dems screaming bad words towards President Trump, & Elon Musk, are brutal, harsh, & not right. Of course, those crying the loudest, are “probably guilty” (allegedly), of participating in taking tax dollars from hard working Americans’, & they may be caught in a legal situation in the near future.
I enjoyed your memory of wanting a car, & that brought back my memory of needing & wanting a car also. My Dad would help me look for a car, & I was working, & my plan was to save enough to get a car; move out of my parent’s house, & then I was thinking about going to a community college. My Dad didn’t intend to help me financially though for my car- he had to pick it out! I wanted a 1969 Camaro; my Dad found a 1963 VW-a manual speed of course! But, I paid cash for my car, $650.00, & my Dad taught me how to drive it! It was a hard decision to buy a VW, but in the end, I learned how to drive that Bug & loved it! Great memory!
Thanks Patricia I’m looking forward to the next 4 years. I know things will turn around, and it’s only been a month, but I still feel I need patience, it will happen!
Saved $750 delivery papers for 3 years. My Dad added $750 and I bought a 1951 2 door Ford coupe. Korean War ended and my Ford was now worth $750. Lesson learned! Worst car I ever owned besides the Gm Vega. The Ford did get me to and from pharmacy school!
There is so much wisdom in what you wrote, James and thank you for sharing that story. My father did give me $50 to help me buy my first car (which he picked out because it was low mileage but everything I didn't want in my first car). I paid the rest over a year, but it was only $250. I had to pay my own insurance and every other car I bought since, maybe 40 of them, were my responsibility. I helped my 3 sons in about the same proportion with their first cars, maybe I paid a little more proportionately, but I could do it more easily than my Dad could with mine. My wife and I also paid off their college loans because they all worked clear through their college years, graduated, and went to work in the fields they majored in. They turned out to be fine and productive Trump-supporting men. They haven't all had perfect lives or perfect marriages but they do not take from government, nor do they expect anything. These last 4 years certainly taught them and their children the stark difference between Leftist governance and the Populist vision of Trump, Vance, and many (but still too few) in Congress.
My parents paid for my college also at Wentworth in Boston. This also wasn’t my first car. My first car was a 1970 Ford Maverick I got from my uncle for 500 dollars. A young neighbor of mine skipped school one day, got drunk and driving by my house hit my Maverick totaling it. It wasn’t a good day.
If you give a man a fish - OR, if you teach a man to fish.
Your father was a wise man, James!!! Heartfelt sympathy for that loss.
Here's my story. When my boys got old enough for chores and got an allowance, they quickly spent it on stuff like candy. My oldest soon realized the candy was gone in a hurry so he switched it up and saved for a very special $25. squirt gun. Got it home -Boom, it broke. We managed to return for replacement - Boom it broke. He was, uhhhm, really upset. From that point on he continued to save, but spent on quality. That included his cars. He bought, learned about, fixed and sold for a profit 3 old Broncos. He's still at it with several other brands.
James, I appreciate your stories as I believe you are probably close in age to that child of mine and he's not a big talker. Therefore, I am gloaming onto yours as ones he might be telling in secret!
Appreciate your words LB. It sounds like you raised a great smart son. Thank you and I’m glad today you’re in the light, I think many of us feel the same.
So beautiful James and so well said! I thank God the 4 very dark Biden years are behind us! So thrilled that President Trump is turning America around and we are once again going to have common sense prevail! AMERICA IS BACK AND IT FEELS SO GOOD! 🇺🇸‼️❤️
Ahhhhh.... Another James Goodrich work of art, although, as usual, I'm a day late, and a dollar short. Sorry, I only have $3.00 left, and I had to buy my wife a fresh bagel after filling up her car this AM so she can go suffer at her new job in week #4. Woman take care of Tonga in short times, and Tonga can at least buy her bagel for lunch.
So, you remind me of my 13th birthday, when my brothers came into my bedroom, and told me that Stevie killed himself. Being a young lad, I just couldn't believe it, until I got up, ran past them, and found my mother sitting in her chair, unable to move, unable to see, unable to speak. My two brothers stood there crying, even though they were big, strong men in their late twenties, early 30's. That's when I started screaming, and began the 10 year trail of hardship, hate, anger, and pain, simply knowing my brother whom I was closest with was gone.
Over a few days, I got the jist of it that he did this because his girlfriend dumped him. At at first, I was really mad at her. I hated her. Diane dumped my brother Stevie, and Stevie killed himself that night. It took me quite a while to realize just what happened, and over time that anger faded. It was shortly thereafter (about 7 months), Diane had a baby, my brother's son Sean, and all I could do is want to see, hold and feel my brother's son. That would not go as planned, as we all found out.
Eventually, about a month later, sometime near Christmas of 1980, I was given the gift of seeing him in my own home. My mother was stoic, and showed no emotion to either Diane, or Sean. My mother was dead inside, as her son was gone because of this girl, and her stupid kid (or so SHE thought), and that's all that mattered. She would never forgive Diane for the loss of Stevie, even though his death was nothing of her fault, nor intent. Pain and anger clouds that judgment, never to be seen though again.
My mother had fully engulfed herself in her multiple tragedies over her lifetime, and Steve's suicide just added to that weight never released, or not until the day she passed before me in 2013. Mom spent all those decades tortured by the accidental death of her mom, her shitty marriage to a introverted, nasty jackass of a man (Stevie, Rich and Gery's dad), the loss of a baby from Captain Sperm donor, multiple family suicides, my bother's daughter overdosing on heroin, and the dissolution of a family, which should have stayed together, but didn't. All of these factors left her an empty shell, and it wasn't until the last few days of her life in the rehab that I spent with her, I finally got to see her smile just a little bit through all those years of sorrow and pain.
My mother, and my age at the time, prevented me from developing a good relationship with Sean. Initially I was prevented from seeing them, but eventually, those barriers were lifted. By that time, Sean wasn't on a good path, and I was developing into who I was. Being young, dumb and full of ***, all I cared about was girls, cars, and hanging with my buddies. The usual path of life took me further and further away from Sean and his mom, and the rare occasional meet, or birthday, was fleeting at best. It's one of my biggest regrets in life, never having that bond, and when your mother does everything humanly possible to keep that bond broken, things just don't turn out as you wanted them to.
My relationship with Sean never got past a casual hello, or on a rare occasion a dinner or lunch meeting. Even today, Sean being in the military, I still have very little contact with him or his family. So much time wasted. Last time I physically saw him was about 2 years ago, at a lunch meeting in a diner at the NJ Shore. He was going through a divorce, his 3 kids and ex moving south, and him working 2 jobs plus his full time military life. Who'd a thunk it, eh ?
I forgave Stevie. I forgave Diane. I never held anything against Sean, other than him never really wanting anything to do with me, but realizing it wasn't his doing, either.
I am always a bit jealous of folks who have loving families. Always have been. When I read stories about you and your dad, I would have given up everything just to have just a moment or two with a real dad, a real father, and not some ghostly apparition I've never seen a photo of, or laid eyes on. Even though I never knew him, it still would have been nice to meet up with him one day, and knock his freaking lights out. Yeah, that would have been fun, but alas, he died long ago, and now I have new memories of people I want to knock out. Haha ! Where is that Joe Biden, anyways ?
Keep writing Brother James. You're quite the observer of what's real and important in life, and I know there are a large number of folks here, besides Jim, who really can't wait to see your next masterpiece.
The Sunday Strip takes me out of my dark place.
We all go through hard times and it’s in that place that we grow. Sometimes it’s the darkest times that teach us, they make us aware of experiences that have been given to us. They give us perspective.
When I was 17 I really wanted this car my friend was selling. I asked my father if he could help me get the car. He said “do you need a ride to pick it up”. I said “no Dad, I mean financially”. He looked at me and said, “oh, well, if you really want that car, you’re going to have to get a job”. “Cars cost money, even to get them on the road”. At the time I remember I was really bummed out he wouldn’t just get his check book, write a check, and buy the car for me, doesn’t that sound like a 17 year old. He never gave me a dime, but he did help me. With my strong desire for that car he in his ways forced me to get a job. He then co-signed a loan for me. I’ll never forget my first loan, it was a 3 year personal loan. I borrowed 3800 dollars with an 18% interest rate which cost 138 dollars a month. I got the car and I made every payment with money I worked for. I paid the car off over the 3 years.
Not long after I got the car my father got sick and eventually passed away. It wasn’t until after he was gone I realized what he had taught me. He taught me if I wanted something I had to work for it, and that hard work can get you where you want to go. After my father was gone I couldn’t believe how much I missed his way of pushing me to earn what I get. It was that dark time in my life, losing my father, that engrained that lesson deep inside of me, and made me see the real gift he had given to me that I will never forget.
There are no guarantees in life’s path, but I know many kids growing up whose parents did write that check, some over and over again, and the child fell on their hypothetical face in life. Their parents never gave them that important lesson. That opportunity was missed to build the character of earning what you get in their child.
We all have been through 4 very dark years ruled by a man that lived his whole life being paid with money taken from others hard work. In his whole life it would be hard to find a thing that he built that benefitted anyone more than it benefited himself. He lied to us over and over again to push his tyrannical power grabbing agenda and at his peak of power he called himself dark Joe. These dark times Joe gave us made us realize what we were losing. Those dark days toughened us. It brought into the light how fragile our freedom is. It gave us a new strength, a new administration, and a new President that spent his whole life building things. It gave us a President that is trying his hardest to give us back our bill of rights and bring into light the decades and decades of corruption. Those dark times we all suffered through, especially DJT, just might be what saves this country.
It’s like a seed. A seed that is always left out in the light will never reach its potential. It’s in that dark place, under the earth, that the seed grows into the beautiful producing plant it was meant to be. Happy Sunday! J.Goodrich
I’ve change a lot in the last 4 years. I’ve learned to love an acerbic sometimes very inappropriate speaker (President Trump) for his truth and courage while despising a kindly old man pretending to love children while sinking Americans into poverty and tyranny that enriched his family and destroyed ours. (ExPresident Biden) let us never be deceived by superficial looks again!
Barbara, glad you’ve come around to appreciating POTUS Trump - can’t say I ever had that issue; even in 2015 when, at best, I thought DJT would only be able to give the rest of the crowd a swift kick in the their collective rumps. I don’t watch much TV/video for "educational" purposes: initially it was because the video info dump was too slow (even today with a repeatedly fracture brain, video usefulness can only go so far), then I discovered that video could be deceptive and that it was more informative to just listen to politicians. I recall the great experiment of the Nixon-Kennedy debate: those who watched thought JFK won while those who listened sided with Nixon. I think it served me well with 💩 💩 🧠 as just listening one could feel the dementia that was riddling our nation - didn’t need to see the vacuous eyes. What he emphasized, his tone…
Where my mind went to immediately with your comment was listening to POTUS Trump interacting with the school girls a couple weeks ago - his tone, humor, inflection, that’s the grandfather, the caring man the country needs/needed. As for being inappropriate, perhaps the thing we’ve been needing as a country - discard the facade of {????} that politicians seem to cloth themselves in; that even being a billionaire with creature comforts most of can only imagine, POTUS Trump still comes across as the guy you’d enjoy sharing a pot of tea with. I can see POTUS Trump up in the steel, on bare concrete floors, inspecting a high rise rising high joshing with the men. America doesn’t need Leaders who are above it, we need our brothers ( AND sisters) leading.
That photo of Trump surrounded by all the happy little girls is iconic. They clearly liked him and were having fun, and you could see he liked them as well. Compare to Biden being around one isolated young girl here and there and sniffing her hair, and the girl having a shocked look on her face. The contrast couldn't be more stark.
Wise words indeed. Thank you.
Hi my friend hope all is well!!
One interesting comparison between Biden and Trump is to look at their children: Trump's adult children are loving, successful, well adjusted, happy and supportive of their father. None of them is a drug addict or alcoholic.
Biden's relationship with his two living children is very complicated. Both have battled substance abuse and seem to have been at odds with their father for long periods of time. The family appears quite dysfunctional.
I have made the same comparison myself, many times.
AND, look at the grands: Miss Kai, posed and capable before a huge audience and national venue.
By all indications the Trumps are doing something right. [of course, I suppose, there could’a been some sort’a bargain struck with the father of lies… 🤣]
With my kids I did it a little different. I would help with anything educational but luxuries and fun stuff they had to earn for themselves. They turned out to be good citizens.
Crime families are where you find them....even at 1600
Especially at 1600!
Hunter Biden comes to mind. The fruit of faulty parenting and kept from the lessons that consequences would have been a good teacher had it started early. The presidential pardon was the cherry on top.
Cynically laugh when you read this, please: Understand you would call Hunter the fruit of ‘faulty’ parenting, but in reality he is exactly the fruit expected as consequences were never experienced by the parents, therefore he is exactly the mirror of the teachers. Expect the parents would not look on their parenting as ‘faulty’. The parents never experienced consequences, so lessons were self fulfilling. Probably am jumbling this up, but he probably makes his parents proud. And the only reason he got the pardon was because his parents thought no one understood what a really great example he was, and the rest of us would try to punish him because we were jealous. Ha. Am getting giddy.
James, Kahlil Gibran stated: "Work is love made visible!" When you work to earn something..it is far more valuable to you. ..its a good feeling to know you did it yourself, after you paid it off. What did all rational Americans want, after the last four years? To get the psychopaths out of the White House who were plotting on destroying America! All connected should be institutionalized and relieved of all assets they stole from the American people.
Your story is wonderful! I truly am amazed how good I feel now-especially the fact Biden is no longer in office, & the lies, corruption & lack of any “common sense”, were so threatening to our country, & of course, the American People. I am happy to see President Trump take control of our country, & his immediate executive actions definitely have actions: good for us, the citizens who voted for him; bad for the corrupt deep state, & my thought for the left side- “too bad, how sad”…NOT! In a song by Aaron Lewis, “Sometimes when you give what you give, You get what you get”! Those Dems screaming bad words towards President Trump, & Elon Musk, are brutal, harsh, & not right. Of course, those crying the loudest, are “probably guilty” (allegedly), of participating in taking tax dollars from hard working Americans’, & they may be caught in a legal situation in the near future.
I enjoyed your memory of wanting a car, & that brought back my memory of needing & wanting a car also. My Dad would help me look for a car, & I was working, & my plan was to save enough to get a car; move out of my parent’s house, & then I was thinking about going to a community college. My Dad didn’t intend to help me financially though for my car- he had to pick it out! I wanted a 1969 Camaro; my Dad found a 1963 VW-a manual speed of course! But, I paid cash for my car, $650.00, & my Dad taught me how to drive it! It was a hard decision to buy a VW, but in the end, I learned how to drive that Bug & loved it! Great memory!
Thanks Patricia I’m looking forward to the next 4 years. I know things will turn around, and it’s only been a month, but I still feel I need patience, it will happen!
Saved $750 delivery papers for 3 years. My Dad added $750 and I bought a 1951 2 door Ford coupe. Korean War ended and my Ford was now worth $750. Lesson learned! Worst car I ever owned besides the Gm Vega. The Ford did get me to and from pharmacy school!
https://share.icloud.com/photos/0589ypeMtx7RGSZ7TBumUCymw
I did a quick search for 51 Ford coupes for sale and they’re not giving those away. Most I saw were 3 speeds…
Great words for a Sunday morning.
Thank you Norma!
There is so much wisdom in what you wrote, James and thank you for sharing that story. My father did give me $50 to help me buy my first car (which he picked out because it was low mileage but everything I didn't want in my first car). I paid the rest over a year, but it was only $250. I had to pay my own insurance and every other car I bought since, maybe 40 of them, were my responsibility. I helped my 3 sons in about the same proportion with their first cars, maybe I paid a little more proportionately, but I could do it more easily than my Dad could with mine. My wife and I also paid off their college loans because they all worked clear through their college years, graduated, and went to work in the fields they majored in. They turned out to be fine and productive Trump-supporting men. They haven't all had perfect lives or perfect marriages but they do not take from government, nor do they expect anything. These last 4 years certainly taught them and their children the stark difference between Leftist governance and the Populist vision of Trump, Vance, and many (but still too few) in Congress.
My parents paid for my college also at Wentworth in Boston. This also wasn’t my first car. My first car was a 1970 Ford Maverick I got from my uncle for 500 dollars. A young neighbor of mine skipped school one day, got drunk and driving by my house hit my Maverick totaling it. It wasn’t a good day.
😬
Sounds like you were a wonderful father Jim. My parents both helped me a lot also in many ways. I think of them every day!!
James, words of wisdom for a Sunday!
Thanks Barbara, I’m optimistic for, let’s hope, the next 12 years!!!
You were blessed to have a wise father!
Thank you Kat I really was. I wish he was around in my life longer.
If you give a man a fish - OR, if you teach a man to fish.
Your father was a wise man, James!!! Heartfelt sympathy for that loss.
Here's my story. When my boys got old enough for chores and got an allowance, they quickly spent it on stuff like candy. My oldest soon realized the candy was gone in a hurry so he switched it up and saved for a very special $25. squirt gun. Got it home -Boom, it broke. We managed to return for replacement - Boom it broke. He was, uhhhm, really upset. From that point on he continued to save, but spent on quality. That included his cars. He bought, learned about, fixed and sold for a profit 3 old Broncos. He's still at it with several other brands.
James, I appreciate your stories as I believe you are probably close in age to that child of mine and he's not a big talker. Therefore, I am gloaming onto yours as ones he might be telling in secret!
; > }.
I'm standing in the light today Mr Goodrich!!!!
Appreciate your words LB. It sounds like you raised a great smart son. Thank you and I’m glad today you’re in the light, I think many of us feel the same.
So beautiful James and so well said! I thank God the 4 very dark Biden years are behind us! So thrilled that President Trump is turning America around and we are once again going to have common sense prevail! AMERICA IS BACK AND IT FEELS SO GOOD! 🇺🇸‼️❤️
Thanks Jennifer, it’s been an emotional roller coaster. I’m thrilled also we are back on the right track as well !!! I thank God!!!
I look forward to Malone's Sunday funnies every week.
Thank-you for another eloquent message of wisdom James.
Thank You Rebecca, it’s a good feeling to see things being put back where they belong, with the people!!
Ahhhhh.... Another James Goodrich work of art, although, as usual, I'm a day late, and a dollar short. Sorry, I only have $3.00 left, and I had to buy my wife a fresh bagel after filling up her car this AM so she can go suffer at her new job in week #4. Woman take care of Tonga in short times, and Tonga can at least buy her bagel for lunch.
So, you remind me of my 13th birthday, when my brothers came into my bedroom, and told me that Stevie killed himself. Being a young lad, I just couldn't believe it, until I got up, ran past them, and found my mother sitting in her chair, unable to move, unable to see, unable to speak. My two brothers stood there crying, even though they were big, strong men in their late twenties, early 30's. That's when I started screaming, and began the 10 year trail of hardship, hate, anger, and pain, simply knowing my brother whom I was closest with was gone.
Over a few days, I got the jist of it that he did this because his girlfriend dumped him. At at first, I was really mad at her. I hated her. Diane dumped my brother Stevie, and Stevie killed himself that night. It took me quite a while to realize just what happened, and over time that anger faded. It was shortly thereafter (about 7 months), Diane had a baby, my brother's son Sean, and all I could do is want to see, hold and feel my brother's son. That would not go as planned, as we all found out.
Eventually, about a month later, sometime near Christmas of 1980, I was given the gift of seeing him in my own home. My mother was stoic, and showed no emotion to either Diane, or Sean. My mother was dead inside, as her son was gone because of this girl, and her stupid kid (or so SHE thought), and that's all that mattered. She would never forgive Diane for the loss of Stevie, even though his death was nothing of her fault, nor intent. Pain and anger clouds that judgment, never to be seen though again.
My mother had fully engulfed herself in her multiple tragedies over her lifetime, and Steve's suicide just added to that weight never released, or not until the day she passed before me in 2013. Mom spent all those decades tortured by the accidental death of her mom, her shitty marriage to a introverted, nasty jackass of a man (Stevie, Rich and Gery's dad), the loss of a baby from Captain Sperm donor, multiple family suicides, my bother's daughter overdosing on heroin, and the dissolution of a family, which should have stayed together, but didn't. All of these factors left her an empty shell, and it wasn't until the last few days of her life in the rehab that I spent with her, I finally got to see her smile just a little bit through all those years of sorrow and pain.
My mother, and my age at the time, prevented me from developing a good relationship with Sean. Initially I was prevented from seeing them, but eventually, those barriers were lifted. By that time, Sean wasn't on a good path, and I was developing into who I was. Being young, dumb and full of ***, all I cared about was girls, cars, and hanging with my buddies. The usual path of life took me further and further away from Sean and his mom, and the rare occasional meet, or birthday, was fleeting at best. It's one of my biggest regrets in life, never having that bond, and when your mother does everything humanly possible to keep that bond broken, things just don't turn out as you wanted them to.
My relationship with Sean never got past a casual hello, or on a rare occasion a dinner or lunch meeting. Even today, Sean being in the military, I still have very little contact with him or his family. So much time wasted. Last time I physically saw him was about 2 years ago, at a lunch meeting in a diner at the NJ Shore. He was going through a divorce, his 3 kids and ex moving south, and him working 2 jobs plus his full time military life. Who'd a thunk it, eh ?
I forgave Stevie. I forgave Diane. I never held anything against Sean, other than him never really wanting anything to do with me, but realizing it wasn't his doing, either.
I am always a bit jealous of folks who have loving families. Always have been. When I read stories about you and your dad, I would have given up everything just to have just a moment or two with a real dad, a real father, and not some ghostly apparition I've never seen a photo of, or laid eyes on. Even though I never knew him, it still would have been nice to meet up with him one day, and knock his freaking lights out. Yeah, that would have been fun, but alas, he died long ago, and now I have new memories of people I want to knock out. Haha ! Where is that Joe Biden, anyways ?
Keep writing Brother James. You're quite the observer of what's real and important in life, and I know there are a large number of folks here, besides Jim, who really can't wait to see your next masterpiece.