Ahhhhh.... Another James Goodrich work of art, although, as usual, I'm a day late, and a dollar short. Sorry, I only have $3.00 left, and I had to buy my wife a fresh bagel after filling up her car this AM so she can go suffer at her new job in week #4. Woman take care of Tonga in short times, and Tonga can at least buy her bagel for lun…
Ahhhhh.... Another James Goodrich work of art, although, as usual, I'm a day late, and a dollar short. Sorry, I only have $3.00 left, and I had to buy my wife a fresh bagel after filling up her car this AM so she can go suffer at her new job in week #4. Woman take care of Tonga in short times, and Tonga can at least buy her bagel for lunch.
So, you remind me of my 13th birthday, when my brothers came into my bedroom, and told me that Stevie killed himself. Being a young lad, I just couldn't believe it, until I got up, ran past them, and found my mother sitting in her chair, unable to move, unable to see, unable to speak. My two brothers stood there crying, even though they were big, strong men in their late twenties, early 30's. That's when I started screaming, and began the 10 year trail of hardship, hate, anger, and pain, simply knowing my brother whom I was closest with was gone.
Over a few days, I got the jist of it that he did this because his girlfriend dumped him. At at first, I was really mad at her. I hated her. Diane dumped my brother Stevie, and Stevie killed himself that night. It took me quite a while to realize just what happened, and over time that anger faded. It was shortly thereafter (about 7 months), Diane had a baby, my brother's son Sean, and all I could do is want to see, hold and feel my brother's son. That would not go as planned, as we all found out.
Eventually, about a month later, sometime near Christmas of 1980, I was given the gift of seeing him in my own home. My mother was stoic, and showed no emotion to either Diane, or Sean. My mother was dead inside, as her son was gone because of this girl, and her stupid kid (or so SHE thought), and that's all that mattered. She would never forgive Diane for the loss of Stevie, even though his death was nothing of her fault, nor intent. Pain and anger clouds that judgment, never to be seen though again.
My mother had fully engulfed herself in her multiple tragedies over her lifetime, and Steve's suicide just added to that weight never released, or not until the day she passed before me in 2013. Mom spent all those decades tortured by the accidental death of her mom, her shitty marriage to a introverted, nasty jackass of a man (Stevie, Rich and Gery's dad), the loss of a baby from Captain Sperm donor, multiple family suicides, my bother's daughter overdosing on heroin, and the dissolution of a family, which should have stayed together, but didn't. All of these factors left her an empty shell, and it wasn't until the last few days of her life in the rehab that I spent with her, I finally got to see her smile just a little bit through all those years of sorrow and pain.
My mother, and my age at the time, prevented me from developing a good relationship with Sean. Initially I was prevented from seeing them, but eventually, those barriers were lifted. By that time, Sean wasn't on a good path, and I was developing into who I was. Being young, dumb and full of ***, all I cared about was girls, cars, and hanging with my buddies. The usual path of life took me further and further away from Sean and his mom, and the rare occasional meet, or birthday, was fleeting at best. It's one of my biggest regrets in life, never having that bond, and when your mother does everything humanly possible to keep that bond broken, things just don't turn out as you wanted them to.
My relationship with Sean never got past a casual hello, or on a rare occasion a dinner or lunch meeting. Even today, Sean being in the military, I still have very little contact with him or his family. So much time wasted. Last time I physically saw him was about 2 years ago, at a lunch meeting in a diner at the NJ Shore. He was going through a divorce, his 3 kids and ex moving south, and him working 2 jobs plus his full time military life. Who'd a thunk it, eh ?
I forgave Stevie. I forgave Diane. I never held anything against Sean, other than him never really wanting anything to do with me, but realizing it wasn't his doing, either.
I am always a bit jealous of folks who have loving families. Always have been. When I read stories about you and your dad, I would have given up everything just to have just a moment or two with a real dad, a real father, and not some ghostly apparition I've never seen a photo of, or laid eyes on. Even though I never knew him, it still would have been nice to meet up with him one day, and knock his freaking lights out. Yeah, that would have been fun, but alas, he died long ago, and now I have new memories of people I want to knock out. Haha ! Where is that Joe Biden, anyways ?
Keep writing Brother James. You're quite the observer of what's real and important in life, and I know there are a large number of folks here, besides Jim, who really can't wait to see your next masterpiece.
Ahhhhh.... Another James Goodrich work of art, although, as usual, I'm a day late, and a dollar short. Sorry, I only have $3.00 left, and I had to buy my wife a fresh bagel after filling up her car this AM so she can go suffer at her new job in week #4. Woman take care of Tonga in short times, and Tonga can at least buy her bagel for lunch.
So, you remind me of my 13th birthday, when my brothers came into my bedroom, and told me that Stevie killed himself. Being a young lad, I just couldn't believe it, until I got up, ran past them, and found my mother sitting in her chair, unable to move, unable to see, unable to speak. My two brothers stood there crying, even though they were big, strong men in their late twenties, early 30's. That's when I started screaming, and began the 10 year trail of hardship, hate, anger, and pain, simply knowing my brother whom I was closest with was gone.
Over a few days, I got the jist of it that he did this because his girlfriend dumped him. At at first, I was really mad at her. I hated her. Diane dumped my brother Stevie, and Stevie killed himself that night. It took me quite a while to realize just what happened, and over time that anger faded. It was shortly thereafter (about 7 months), Diane had a baby, my brother's son Sean, and all I could do is want to see, hold and feel my brother's son. That would not go as planned, as we all found out.
Eventually, about a month later, sometime near Christmas of 1980, I was given the gift of seeing him in my own home. My mother was stoic, and showed no emotion to either Diane, or Sean. My mother was dead inside, as her son was gone because of this girl, and her stupid kid (or so SHE thought), and that's all that mattered. She would never forgive Diane for the loss of Stevie, even though his death was nothing of her fault, nor intent. Pain and anger clouds that judgment, never to be seen though again.
My mother had fully engulfed herself in her multiple tragedies over her lifetime, and Steve's suicide just added to that weight never released, or not until the day she passed before me in 2013. Mom spent all those decades tortured by the accidental death of her mom, her shitty marriage to a introverted, nasty jackass of a man (Stevie, Rich and Gery's dad), the loss of a baby from Captain Sperm donor, multiple family suicides, my bother's daughter overdosing on heroin, and the dissolution of a family, which should have stayed together, but didn't. All of these factors left her an empty shell, and it wasn't until the last few days of her life in the rehab that I spent with her, I finally got to see her smile just a little bit through all those years of sorrow and pain.
My mother, and my age at the time, prevented me from developing a good relationship with Sean. Initially I was prevented from seeing them, but eventually, those barriers were lifted. By that time, Sean wasn't on a good path, and I was developing into who I was. Being young, dumb and full of ***, all I cared about was girls, cars, and hanging with my buddies. The usual path of life took me further and further away from Sean and his mom, and the rare occasional meet, or birthday, was fleeting at best. It's one of my biggest regrets in life, never having that bond, and when your mother does everything humanly possible to keep that bond broken, things just don't turn out as you wanted them to.
My relationship with Sean never got past a casual hello, or on a rare occasion a dinner or lunch meeting. Even today, Sean being in the military, I still have very little contact with him or his family. So much time wasted. Last time I physically saw him was about 2 years ago, at a lunch meeting in a diner at the NJ Shore. He was going through a divorce, his 3 kids and ex moving south, and him working 2 jobs plus his full time military life. Who'd a thunk it, eh ?
I forgave Stevie. I forgave Diane. I never held anything against Sean, other than him never really wanting anything to do with me, but realizing it wasn't his doing, either.
I am always a bit jealous of folks who have loving families. Always have been. When I read stories about you and your dad, I would have given up everything just to have just a moment or two with a real dad, a real father, and not some ghostly apparition I've never seen a photo of, or laid eyes on. Even though I never knew him, it still would have been nice to meet up with him one day, and knock his freaking lights out. Yeah, that would have been fun, but alas, he died long ago, and now I have new memories of people I want to knock out. Haha ! Where is that Joe Biden, anyways ?
Keep writing Brother James. You're quite the observer of what's real and important in life, and I know there are a large number of folks here, besides Jim, who really can't wait to see your next masterpiece.